Sunday, March 20, 2005

The exclusive PowerLine interview with Jeff Gannon!

At least, this is what it would probably look like:

Q: Is it true that you are a great American?

A: Oh, yes, absolutely, I think.

Q: Don't you think that you served a valuable function battling, as it were, all the liberal, borderline traitorous shills in the White House press corps and adding some balance?

A: Sure. There really aren't enough gay male internet prostitutes connected to the Texas state GOP, at least in the White House pressroom, as far as I can tell, uh, asking fact-free questions for a fake news service. I thought I added something to the mix. Um. Wait a minute. Strike that last remark.

Q: Uh, which one? The gay thing or the fake thing or the Republican thing?

A: Maybe we should talk about that after we're done.

Q: OK. No problem. I know. Why don't we just change your answer to something like: "Those liberal mainstream media whiny-pants frogs all suck, and who are they to say who is and who isn't a reporter"?

A: That sounds pretty good. Can you put in a little something about how the Left have lined up behind the terrorists?

Q: It's already in there. OK. Moving on. Any future plans?

A: Oh, I have a lot of things I'm looking into. You know, this whole situation has opened up lots of new career paths. You heard of those VNR's? The totally factual video package things the government puts out? The CDC has been calling me a lot. I mean a lot, for some reason. I'm still thinking about it, anyway, but they said they could really use someone like me.

Q: Huh. For what?

A: You know, I'm not really totally clear on the whole thing, but they keep talking about STD's, and then they said they might need to use one of those black boxes on my face. So--

Q: Black box? You mean one of those things they put on later?

A: Yeah, you know, I'm not sure if I should be talking about this. Can we just, sort of remove that from the final transcript, too?

Q: I'm erasing the tape right now.

A: Great.

Q: Why do you think the mainstream press hates you?

A: Great question, great question. I've thought about it a lot the past few weeks, actually, when I'm not trying to sell the domain for hotmilitarystud.com for a couple thousand dollars. [pause] What was the question again?

Q: The press. Why they hate you.

A: Yeah, yeah. Well, look at me. I'm hot, I'm totally butch. Anyway, they all wish they were doing what I was doing, if you know what I mean.

Q: The-- What?

A: I'm just tired of the whole: "Oh, he's a gay Republican who writes gay-bashing articles and he's fake and connected to Republicans and why do they just wave him right into the press room even though he's clearly got a non-law-abiding past?" And I'm sure that's part of it. But you know what the other reason is, it's because they know they're not as hot as me. Who wouldn't want my bald head rubbing up and down them, huh? You?

Q: Uhhh.

A: Damn straight.

Q: Great. Well, I think that's all. Thanks, Jim.

A: Jeff.

Q: Right.

Permalink posted by Jonathan : 2:50 PM



<< Home

This page is powered by Blogger. Isn't yours?