Friday, January 28, 2005

This just in

The Iraqi election story the warbloggers seem to want:

BAGHDAD, Jan. 30 (AP) -- The glorious President Bush, Sun King for All Time, is leading the advance of freedom and liberty around the world due to elections that were held here today.

In a historic vote that many good-hearted and patriotic Americans see as a harbinger of a democratic Middle East to come, some 13 brave Iraqis turned out to cast their ballots.

Reporters embedded with the Fourth Infantry Division were able to glimpse -- from behind a barricade, in a HumVee, 700 yards away and through a viewfinder -- the noble eight men and five women who voted nationwide in these first free elections. It was unclear whether the Iraqis were wearing body armor or thick wool vests.

Sporadic explosions that produced thick, black smoke went off throughout the day here, and were believed to be the result of fireworks and celebratory gunfire set off by enthusiastic voters, according to U.S. officials who declined to be named.

President Bush, monitoring the elections from the Oval Office, told reporters gathered there: “It’s clear now, to me, that the Iraqis are on the path to furthering their democratic ideals and will be so very much less likely to blow us -- and one another -- up from this day forward.”

Despite criticism from weak-kneed wusses and U.S. officials who themselves warned of widespread violence, the brave fighting men and women in our nation’s armed forces and the 16 fully-trained Iraqi National Guardsmen were able to prevent numerous would-be extremist-terrorist-homicide-murder-jerkface attacks.

In unrelated news, a mere 5,000 died in hundreds of spontaneous explosions around the country, according to a senior Iraqi official.

Permalink posted by Jonathan : 11:38 AM

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